Final Reflection

You can tell it's the end of the term because my blog updates are coming several times a day! This is my final reflection for winter term, discussing the term as a whole.

This term has been a term of challenges for me. I am a person who likes things to be in order, organized. In fact that is part of the appeal of ‘school’ for me. You have a schedule that only varies in predictable ways that were known ahead of time, you have a classroom that you prepare so as to be suitable for your lessons, units, style of teaching etc. You have a classroom routine, that you may then choose to disrupt at choice intervals. You set down expectations for your students, with predictable consequences. Things in a classroom should follow a certain equity and logic that is not often found out in the ‘real world’. A lot of my difficulties this term had to do with a school environment that was not many of these things. I started out ‘working’ in a class that felt more like a freshman seminar then a high school class, especially since the teachers didn’t need my help. I had very little to do at first except observe, participate and enjoy. Then suddenly everything changed and I was in a chaotic classroom, that shared many classes and teachers, that was also the lunch room, with a class that was nearly too large for the room, and didn’t have many clear expectations, at least not based on my observations of student behavior. And then again, I was thrust into yet a different classroom, with even more limitations as far as technology, resources and space. I think that the hardest part of all of this was the fact that I couldn’t be in my classroom before class started. Perhaps I could have taken more initiative and asked about getting keys, or getting let into the classroom early, but I didn’t. I was spoiled last term in that my teacher had prep first thing in the morning so I could come in at 8 am and have two hours of time in the classroom without students, or sometimes even my cooperating teacher. It was a peaceful and relaxing way to make sure that I was completely ready for class, and had all of my resources ready. I now appreciate just how lucky I was.
Another huge challenge for me had to do with the uniqueness of the students. A lot of these students aren’t regular students, they are at our school for a reason, they are artists, performers, musicians. Regular school wasn’t cutting it for them. That is the sort of high school student I was, and I find that that type of high school student is often more mature then your normal high school student. I have a knack for building relationships with my students, and maintaining positive relationships with them. With these students I had a hard time maintaining those positive relationships without slipping into my ‘just Ruth’ mode. I had to constantly remind myself that I was still the teacher. These kids reminded me a lot of younger friends and family members of mine and it was difficult not to treat them like friends. I felt like I was constantly moving back and forth between two personas inside of myself. Perhaps this is an issue that would solve itself with time as I adjusted to the age group, and as I continue myself to get older (and theoretically more mature). I think that this is part of the reason that I prefer middle school students, is that as much as I might like a middle school student at a person, I am in no danger of accidentally treating them like a peer.
Finally, designing curriculum is really hard. It sounds obvious, and I knew it was hard getting into it, but I had anticipated more resources or help. I feel like I didn’t know what I was supposed to teach about quadrilaterals, so I just sort of picked something that I thought was right, and erred on the side of the simple. I then feel like from watching Aaron teach the unit (twice now) that I taught the wrong things, or forgot to teach many things. I feel like my unit was sort of useless, which I know from the analysis in my assessment report isn’t true, but it’s hard not to be discouraged when most of your students don’t even turn in their final project.
Despite a discouraging tone in this reflection, my over all experience at A3 was a positive one. I love that school and what they are trying to do, and I feel like it is the type of school that I would like to spend time teaching at, I just don’t think I’m ready for it yet.