In review: victim of discrimination?

After taking some time from my altercation with the librarian, I feel like I should reflect on the experience.

I did make mistakes. I shouldn't have waited until the last minute to look into getting a camera. I shouldn't have assumed, based on Marna's info, that the librarian was ok with lending me a camera. I should have accepted the changes to the expectations for me without questioning them and/or reminding her of her previous agreements.

However, in the long run, I wasn't in the wrong. I think that this person was projecting their personal concerns or difficulties with getting things done on time, or keeping commitments onto me without cause. I can't put a finger on it, but the experiences that I have indicate to me that perhaps the librarian has trouble with time management and being organized. Her behavior towards me indicates that she expected me to have the same problems, to the point where she felt it necessary to have two entire class periods of cushion time from when I returned the camera, until it was needed, in order to maker herself feel comfortable that it would be back in time. She seemed like she so overwhelmed and absorbed by her other duties, that it was more then she could handle to offer verbal advice or directions to me. It also showed arrogance that her needs were more important then treating me respectfully. There was clear bias towards me because I am a student teacher, rather then a certified teacher. I don't know if this librarian is a classified or certified employee, although the fact that she teaches a class indicates to me that she is probably certified, but I doubt that she would have given me so much trouble if I had been a first year teacher who needed to video tape her lesson, or if, like Marna, I was a veteran expert teacher who needed to tape themselves for an award they were receiving. It's possible that age played into it as well. I felt ridiculed for my youth, as if she was equating me with some stereotypical co-ed, partying it up every night and barely passing my classes.

It was an unfortunate experience, but one that I am glad to have. I will probably continue to run into people who will judge me or treat me differently based on my age, experience and gender. People will be rude, cruel, unfair and I will have to deal with it with professionalism and grace. I think that I did that fairly well this time, all things considered, and was still able to solve my problem by calling on other resources.

What to do when people work against you.

I'm angry. This is the first time in a long time that I've ever felt like someone was activly working against me, or to prevent me from being successful. I'm sure that that isn't this person's purpose, but it is the result.

Several weeks ago I inquired from my cooperating teacher as to the availability of video cameras for taping myself teach. She told me that all I needed to do was go talk to the librarian, check one out, no big deal. So I pushed the topic to the back of my mind. Time flew by, and before I knew it I was (am!) nearly done with my unit for my Unit Assessment Report. Here is my big mistake, I waited (accidentally) for the last minute to talk to the librarian about signing out a camera. Perhaps I didn't understand how things worked, or who the cameras belong to, but she was taken aback and put out by my request, and acquiesced because she trusts my cooperating teacher. I was allowed to video tape my lesson upon the agreement that I would return the camera before her class the next day, and I would delete my video from the card. Since this is my third term dealing with this, I figured no problem.

Well, I've tried everything I could do in order to make that clip come off the camera and I can't figure out how to do it. None of the things that have worked before worked, so I did the logical thing and asked the Librarian if she could help me out. Her response when I told her it wasn't working? "I know, I can't manage that for you". But I just need a little bit of direction.. "I can't manage that..."

The way I'm hearing that it almost sounds like she knew I (and the other student teacher using the camera) would have trouble down loading our video, but she gave us the camera anyways, and didn't forewarn us about the potential problem.

I went to the tech guy at the school and he and I spent about 15 minutes messing with the camera and my computer trying to get it to read the files, and it wouldn't work. I'm afraid to go back and ask the librarian again because I don't want her to be angry with me, but I'm at a loss of what to do. I suppose I might just loose the film and have to do it again. The other student teacher is trying to get the files off this afternoon, so hopefully she can figure it out and fill me in.

However the really concerning thing is the fact that I feel like this other teacher is working against me, particularly trying to make this a difficult process for me because she's offended that I assumed I could check out the cameras for this purpose. How do I deal with this? Is this an issue/conflict that comes up a lot in schools? I expected more professionalism. It's possible that she is just exceedingly busy and doesn't mean to come across this way, but either way the interpersonal skills could use a little work.